Thursday, June 29, 2006

Badvertising

Many people in the media and advertising industry would have been in the "cool" cliques at school. The sad thing is these people have hung onto those glory days while everyone else around them matured. Most (but not all - I can think of two really clever ones) are not that intelligent and their work isn’t really that great. Yet somehow they still convince themselves they are better than the other 99% because they are in "advertising". Wankers.

Clikc here for the top 10 ads that won Cannes Film awards.

I like the French one. The Sony Colour execution smacks of self-indulgence. Advertising is not effective unless it motivates people to behave differently. Otherwise, it is just wallpaper. Does anyone ever measure whether these ads delivered to brief?

Why does Cannes still place so much prestige on TV ads when they are on their way out? (It wouldn't be the advertising industry interested in preserving the fat in their TV ad production costs, would it...oh noooo.) Who has the time or patience these days to sit through that?

I really must ring Optus and find out about Foxtel….TV without advertising, mmmm.

"Our Nic" and the Urban Cowboy





I give them 2 years, tops.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Thief !


Some cretin stole my black pashmina from my chair at work over the weekend. What a weird thing to steal. Are you absolutely sure I don't have any infectious and fatal neck diseases? Do you know exactly where this black pashmina scarf has been?

I hope you catch my incurable leprosy and your head falls off. It is a fair and reasonable punishment.

Sunday, June 25, 2006

Gorging on a TV buffet


I have just discovered the delights of Pay TV at my parents' place a couple of weeks ago. I was in serious danger of never leaving the couch again.

I pushed through the pain barrier to finish a marathon session of What Not To Wear, celebrity gossip on VH1 and the documentaries on the History channel in pyjamas with only curry puffs as sustenance over the Queen's Birthday long weekend.

Now I am debating whether to have Foxtel installed in my own home but fear I will never leave the house to go to work again. On the bright side, I will get my SBS reception back. It would be nice to be able to see Australia's progress during the World Cup rather than having to wait in suspense as the numbers tick over on the Yahoo web site.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Vietnamese noodles


Nothing quite as heart-warming as a bowl of pho during these hideous winter months. I just had my fix.

My favourite place for pho is a little shop on Victoria Street, Richmond called Pho Dzung which specialises in rice soup noodles. The soup has been simmered for hours - something you could never do at home if you work long hours. The meat is fresh and the chillies just add a bite of surprise along with the basil and spring onion flavours. The rice noodles are cooked to slip down your throat without too much effort.

These guys don't have an extensive menu but what they do offer, they do extremely well and very efficiently. Oh and did I mention the price? $AUD6 for a small (very generous) bowl of noodles and the will to face the winter chill outside again.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Work stations suck


Work stations are the way of working for many people, in this age of down sizing and cost cutting. The idea is to "break down silos"and "get people communicating". Well, hear it from me, a work station prisoner, that it can be a frustrating experience.

Most people I work with are relatively normal and considerate about personal space. But every now and again you get those outlyers (a polite term for "weirdo").

So, my gripe against work stations?

1. You can't hear yourself think.
2. You can't hear yourself talk.
3. Some people feel compelled to treat their fellow colleagues to glimpses of their personal life we never wanted to see. Trust me, hearing you baby talk your husband is not going to endear yourself to me. Having to listen to repeated conversations of last night's break up or arguments over who has to cook dinner tonight is likely to make me want to break a chair over your head. Or push you out the window. Whatever is easier. Damn those double glass windows.
4. No privacy. How else are you supposed to organise job interviews or organise your home renovation?
5. Being subjected to other people's odours. I had to endure a colleague's BO (which I can only describe as being fermented, rotting flesh) for 6 months and then because no manager would confront her about this and the furthest anyone would take it was to tell her to wear more perfume because they pretended to like it, I had to endure hourly sprays of cheap Impulse. Absolutely vomitous.

Bring back the offices. I may be forced to smile and talk to you because you are in my team but hell, don't make me interact with you any more than I am paid to do.

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Mission: Possible

Here is a collection of awful marketing conference themes I have attended over the years:

"Mission: Possible"
"You've Got The Power"
"Take Charge"
"Moving On Up"
"We are the Champions"

And of course these themes are matched to carefully selected, inspiring music. Cue Fatboy Slim and "Right Here Right Now".

These conferences are supposed to inspire a degree of loyalty to work your guts out 70 hours a week without complaint. Or flash enough of a carrot to make you want to stay until the next junket so you can clean out the minibar several nights in a row.

Instead, they make you ponder why you never looked deeper into the trades for a career. Less bullshit, more money.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Reading Between the Company Lines


Why aren't Senior Management more honest about their real messages?

"Are YOU hungry enough?"
Translation: "I really need my bonus this year. I don't dare go home if I don't get her a new BMW5 4WD for Christmas."

"We need to increase productivity"
Translation: "We can replace you with someone from a country with no labour laws.

"Be more efficient with your time"
Translation: "Don't even think about claiming over-time....your reward is you get to keep your job.

"Do more with less"
Translation: "We've just cut your advertising budget and increased your sales target so there is no way you will meet your job objectives. You can kiss that skinny bonus goodbye."

Friday, June 02, 2006

Rah rah and all that tosh


Does anyone take corporate videos seriously?

Everyone pretends to buy into this tosh. The work contract we all sign up to is that we play the game of pretending to believe in it, to be excited about selling more stuff that people don't need.

How motivating for employees are doctored corporate videos of fellow serfs cheerfully toiling away, quite content with their unpaid over-time?

The real winners in this game are the corporate video makers who are paid a motza to create Oscar-winning levels of fantasy even Peter Jackson could not match. Of course, there could be serious risk of Repetitive Strain Injury behind the camera for all the eye rolling that must go on.

Don't be disheartened if you can't bring yourself to genuflect at the altar of The Company Line.

There will come a day when you will have outlived your usefulness and will be tossed on the corporate scrapheap. Of course it won't happen to me, I hear you say. Of course it will. You can't please everyone all of the time so the day will come when someone will decide they don't like you, regardless of how well you are doing, and oooof! out you go.

Don't take it personally. Just have Plan B ready.


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